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| I Should Be Happy... |
| 05.20.04 (8:26 pm) [edit] |
After seeing American Idol the other day, you'd think I would be happy and not all bummed out and shit, but I am. If you watched the show and saw me there, then you could sense that I was bummed. I didn't even look like I was having fun. I felt a definite separation with the two girls yesterday, it's like I might as well not have been there. Curita was pissing me off, she was just so freaking annoying. I was getting so mad. I hate that on Liz's xanga, she's all "Curita and I got to meet Simon..." so why did they get to meet him, and not me? Well, because like I said before, there seemed to be this separation. Like he went over to them and I was just there, and they could have cared less that I was there. So as they were walking out of the studio freaking out cause they got to meet Simon, I was just there, with the blisters on the back of my feet. I was so quiet on the way home. It kinda just bummed me out. I kinda used not seeing Bobby as an excuse to my blah mood, but he's not really the reason.
Well, as I said...I didn't get to see Bobby, so who knows when the next time is that I'll see him. I'm kind of sad about that, because I don't want to lose him again. I know that he always come back, but there's always that fear that I'll never see him again, that he'll never be back. I know I sound like a drama queen, but that's how I feel. I mean if you think about it, we've known each other for half my life. That's a big deal to me. I've been in love with the guy for half of my life, even though for most of that time it was the childlike kind of love.
Since I have been feeling like shit lately, I've needed a guy friend and the one guy I thought of first isn't quite available to talk to me, not that he would. So then...there's Jason. I mean I've IM'd, called, sent text messages, to try to get a guy friend to help me out, and Jason is the only one that seems to care. We've emailed back and forth, since he is kind of busy lately, and well so am I..with finals and everything. So when I missed his IM...I was kinda devastated..nahh..bummed yeah..and it makes me kind of smile to know that he tried..because he first IM'd me from that new sn and when I didn't answer he tried me on his old one. But I wasn't there..and when I was back...he was gone.
I'm just...ehh
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| To Add To the Confusion... |
| 05.12.04 (1:44 am) [edit] |
So it's true...my lab partner likes me.
He asked me out yesterday.
I'm not interested.
I feel guilty.
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| STILL...CONFUSED |
| 05.09.04 (3:32 am) [edit] |
Well, lets backtrack all the way to [b]Tuesday, April 20[/b]. I was sick and looking well..looking like crap, and I dragged myself to school because I had a test. It was the only day that I didn't want to see him. I parked in my usual lot, and I saw a familiar truck. When I got out of my car, I passed by the truck and I didn't want to look too hard, because if it wasn't his, then I didn't want the owner to think I was trying to steal their car, and if it [i]was[/i] his, I didn't want him to think I was a stalker. As I was headed towards campus, I just casually looked to my left and there he was, and we both kinda just paused and looked at each other. Then he stepped towards me and I stepped towards him, and we started talking, and all of a sudden he started walking me to class. It was kind of awkward. It was like high school all over again. He was telling me that I should start parking in his lot because it was closer and he said I parked too far. When we got to my class it was a weird goodbye. Just a wave and an "Uhh, well I'm gonna go now." That was it.
That night, I hurt my toe, and I was limping around, and so the next day, I took his advice and parked in his parking lot. So I was just limping around, and didn't see him around, so I thought nothing of it. Then the following [b]Thursday, April 29,[/b] I was running late and as I was trying to find a spot, he let me in the row.
So I got a spot, and then he was down my row again, and he asked me to get in the truck, and we parked, and I wasn't expecting him to walk me to class, but he did. I thought we were just going to split in the middle so he could go to his building and I would go to mine. But he walked me all the way to class and we did a less awkward goodbye wave.
So [b]Tuesday, May 4[/b] I hadn't planned to go to school, but I went just in case I might see him. So I got there, and was just going to leave, when I spot him coming in, so I quickly park, and he sees me as I am on my way, and he automatically pulls the stuff off the passenger's seat and rolls down his window and asks me if I want a ride. I say yes, and get in his truck and then all of a sudden he asks if I want to see something funny, and thinking it was just going to be something stupid, I say yeah, and he takes me out further to another parking lot that connects to the one we park in.
When we finally get there, he shows me his boxers. SHOCK :shock: but it was funny :P because it was always an inside joke that I hated that particular pair of boxers. I just laughed and laughed and then he did something else..now that was utter SHOCK :shock: and I said well I guess I can't really be shocked since it wasn't the first time...but in my head...SHOCK SHOCK SHOCK. So I almost said "What about your girlfriend?" but I didn't, and finally he parked and we parked really far, and he kept forgetting things, so we kept having to go back to his truck.
So on the way to his class, because I offered to walk him to class, there was a point where we were walking through lot 7 and we were walking in between cars and I was behind him. Well he was walking kind of with his right hand behind him, with the palm up, and I'm thinking, is he trying to get me to hold his hand, and then he turned around to look at me and then his other hand kind of opened up, like he wanted me to hold it. I wanted to..I wanted to soooooooo bad, but I just kept walking. I didn't want to hold his hand unless I was 100% that he wanted me to. Then when we got to his class we said bye with a nice little high five.
So I've been debating on this whole hand holding thing...did he or didn't he...and so far everyone, even the guys are telling me that he did. Argh. BUT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!
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| CONFUSED! |
| 05.06.04 (2:50 am) [edit] |
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So much has happened...I'm so confused! More detail tomorrow.
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