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| Talking or TALKING? |
| 07.30.04 (5:34 pm) [edit] |
I've been trying to figure it out. When it comes to Bryan...are we [i]talking[/i] or is it just talking? Bryan and I were always friends, but now, it feels different. I used to be able to tell him everything, and now...not so much. I just don't want to make any mistakes with him. I used to tell him about my mistakes and the times when I'd run off with the ex-boyfriend, even when I was kinda seeing Mike. So now that the ex-boyfriend keeps appearing, and as much unfinished business as there is with the two of us, I'm scared to mention it to Bryan. Usually Bryan would be the first person I would tell, and now I'm scared to tell him, especially if we are talking.
And ahh..he just IM'd me..and he called me babe. He's so sweet and I don't want to mess things up. He's a great guy, and part of me thinks that it would be better if we stayed friends and only friends because I don't think I could bear to lose him. Then again since the moment we first started talking there was always an underlying flirtation that was never able to develop because there always someone...someone for me or him..and now we're both unattached..and now I'm so confused.
He had me call his mom because he didn't have any reception, and it was so weird. I knew from just the sound of her voice how nice and cool she was. How she's so much like him.
Here's what other say:
Ken says that "then he might be feeling you"
Mandoe says "just ask him"
Cory says "then..you're talking"
Tricia says "well if you haven't said you're officially talking...then go out with jason...ahh i hate that term [i]talking[/i].
Aww...so conflicted.
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| Already Back At Work |
| 07.27.04 (1:53 am) [edit] |
I'm already back at work and I feel like I've missed so much. I got to work with Gloria today, so that was fun, actually both Glorias. Gloria A and I talked forever after work. We were catching each other up on our escapades. She told me about Martin and I told her about Bryan.
Speaking of Bryan, I talked to him on Saturday for a couple hours. We had a nice little talk. I'm not sure where this is all going, but I don't even know if I want to know. I haven't heard from him since then though, which makes me kinda weary. I sent him a text when I got home from work, but didn't get a reply today. OH WELL. Maybe we're slipping back into not talking. But as I was watching [i]A Cinderella Story[/i] it did remind me of him, since there was a lot of text messaging and IMing going on.
I figure I must really like this Bryan guy because on Saturday I was talking to the ex-boyfriend. I could tell he was kind of hinting to wanting to hang out and I was kind of too, but then all of a sudden I felt guilty. I really shouldn't feel guilty, but the realization that if I do hang out with Jason, there's a large possibility that we'll end up hooking up, got me doubting myself. I tried to figure it all out. Would I tell Bryan? Would I not tell him? Would I just mention we hung out? But I didn't have to deal with it since Bryan called and I just stopped talking to Jason.
Sleep..now..must.
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| Back From NY: Met Matt Damon |
| 07.23.04 (11:16 pm) [edit] |
I'm back from the East Coast and I really am happy to be here. I knew it...I just knew there would be some drama while I was gone. When I mean drama, I mean stuff with Liz and me. It got pretty damn ugly. We were like yelling at each other in hushed tones...well it was 3 in the morning NJ time. I refuse to put myself through that ever again. It's hard trying to vacation with someone who thinks she's a princess. She grew up thinking she was a princess and thinks that the world should treat her accordingly. SICK!!
I got to see all the touristy cool stuff, so that was fun, and we also headed to DC to see all that stuff over there. And in between all the commotion, I got to talk to Bryan twice on the phone. He sent me texts almost every day. The day Liz and I got in the fight he called me, and then as I was crying and wanting to go home, all I could think about was I want to talk to Bryan, so I finally called him and we talked. We talked for about an hour, and it was almost four in the morning before we hung up. He did make me feel better though and I'm so greatful that I have him in my life, even if he is so far away. He's what makes the days more exciting. He called me the day before I left for home, but I was at a show. Then he called me when I was on my way home, and he left me messages. I wish I could talk to him. He graduated on Wednesday at the top of his class, so I'm super proud of him. But now he has a different schedule and well it makes it hard to find a time to talk. This three hour difference kills me.
Now the highlight of my trip was the last day in the city. But before that, on Thursday, the two of us went to see RENT, starring SCARY SPICE from the Spice Girls. She was [b]Mimi[/b]. Jai Rodriguez from Queer Eye For the Straight Guy was [b]Angel[/b]. Frenchie Davis from season 2 of American Idol was also in it. It was one of the best casts I've ever seen. The [b]Mark [/b]and [b]Collins [/b]ROCKED. I was never a big [b]Mark [/b]fan, but he was totally awesome. He made the show for me. [b]Collins [/b]had a BEAAAAAAAAAUTIFUL VOICE!! I can't get over how wonderful he was. Jai was a funny [b]Angel [/b]and he is oh so talented. The Maureen was also really good, and I know that it was an understudy. Okay, now onto Wednesday. We headed over to Times Square and on a whim we decided to stay in the standby line for TRL, well we actually got in because the girls in front of us had no ID. We met MATT DAMON and HALLE BERRY! He had a nice firm hand shake. Then after we went over to get tickets for a show, and the ones that Liz wanted to see were unavailable, and she didn't want to see Aida, but I did. We ended up with tickets for that show and it was awesome. It had Deborah Cox and she's just wonderful. PLUS...to make things TEN TIMES a MILLION TIMES BETTER...[b]Radames [/b]was played by none other than ADAM PASCAL...the ORIGINAL [b]Radames [/b]and the ORIGINAL [b]Roger [/b]from RENT. He made it so worth it. I love Adam Pascal. He is a FREAKING GOD! After the show we happened to pick the right door because we were right by the stage door. Met Deborah Cox and some other cast members, but no Adam. He wasn't signing that night. Oh well...maybe some other time...
Now I am back to deal with the shit that my brother has brought upon our family while I was gone. I was so happy to be going home, but now that he's FUCKED everything up, I'm not sure anymore. He's a selfish bastard. He tends to ruin things for me. Even this fucking blog, he had pulled out the phone line while I was away and I had yet to finish this..so all this shit was gone. Thank God I had pressed CTRL + C. My mom said I could get my truck in two years, which I was not really willing to wait for, but figured if I came up with some money from work, I'd maybe get it by the beginning of next year, but even if I bust my ass off, there's no way my mom can help me get this fucking truck. It'll be another five years before I get a new car, which isn't fair because I've had my car for four years and have been driving it like it's mine since last year. When my brothers started driving they got a new car within a year. My parents have helped them out with at least three cars. I love my car, but I want my truck. Like I said, another fucking five years, unless I get a new job that pays me enough to handle my own shit. And it's all thanks to my brother who fucks up his life and in turn fucks up my family and of course fucks things up for me. I know I sound like a brat, but if you only knew...
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| Disappointed |
| 07.08.04 (11:28 am) [edit] |
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I'm a little disappointed. No call. No text. Maybe he's mad at me because he wanted me to call him. Or maybe he's just busy. Or maybe he's talking to someone else. ::sigh::
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| Texts and Voice Mail |
| 07.07.04 (12:45 am) [edit] |
How can a text message make someone so happy?
How can a simple message make everything right?
How can a quick message on your voice mail make you feel a thousand butterflies in your stomach?
I'm not sure, all I know is that it does.
Maybe it's just because it's Bryan. :D :wink:
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| High School Memories, The Hottest Man In Daytime Television, and The BEST Conversation I've Had |
| 07.06.04 (1:02 am) [edit] |
Well, on Saturday I had tried to post, but something happened and it got wiped away. So on Friday I had a rollercoaster of emotions at work.
[b]THE SAD[/b]
I saw this girl that I went to high school with. I never really talked to her because she was too cool. Well, our senior year she had a really bad car accident, and she spent part of senior year in a coma. She was able to graduate with us, but she was in a wheelchair. Well, she came into my store and it was so sad to see how different she way. She wasn't the same and I know she never will. Still in a wheelchair, trouble with the use of her arms, and trouble speaking. Her face even looked different. I was so overcome with emotion as I spoke to her. I saw how she humbled since before her accident. I saw how although she is living a struggle, she is living as normal as she possibly can. I did cry.
[b]THE GOOD[/b]
So before I saw this girl something good happened to me. I was in dress me..and two other girls I work with were staring at something and I wasn't sure what it was, probably some guy. Usually I'm not all that interested but I looked, and just a few feet away from me...staring in my direction is the HOTTEST MAN IN DAYTIME TELEVISION. At first I just thought he looked familiar and then I was like HOLY SHIT that's Justin Hartley and since he was so tall, when I finally lowered my vision I saw his wife, Lindsay [Korman] Hartley, also a star on the NBC soap Passions. I felt ballsy...so I went up to them and asked them how they were and I ended up helping the little girl they were with (a cousin, I think). Very cool..and he said "Thank you very much" to me and smiled. Ahh..to die for.
[b]The BEST CONVERSATION[/b]
I was going through a crisis yesterday and I sent my friend Bryan a text. He called me and we talked for four hours. This is bad because I'm starting to like him. I kinda always had a little crush on him. Actually getting to talk to him for four hours was so nice. I know so much more about him. It didn't even feel like four hours. He actually made me smile and I was happy. I'm all giddy now. It's weird. I haven't really had a full blown crush in a long time. It's nice, but it's complicated. Even more so because he's in Georgia, but he'll be home for three weeks.
I leave for NJ in ONE WEEK!
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| At Last |
| 07.02.04 (1:12 am) [edit] |
I was never spellbound
By a starry sky
What is there to moonglow
When love has passed you by
Then there came a midnight
And the world was new
Now here am I so spellbound, darling
Not by stars, but just by YOU
AAAAAAAAAAT LAAAAAAAAAAAST
My love has come along...
Okay, that's enough. As you can tell I'm in one of those moods where I wish I was in love and that person was in love with me. Because as we all know, I am in love...but with someone who hasn't quite realized that he loves me back.
Ella sang "At Last" for her final and I was sitting there thinking, I want that. I want to feel like that. Then there comes that whole I want [i]The Notebook[/i] kind of love. My whole thing with Bobby has the potential to be that I suppose, well if we're supposed to be together. Anyway, going back to the song. I was totally lost in the fact that that's how I want to feel.
11 more days.
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