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| Ehh..today is ehh.. |
| 08.23.04 (3:29 pm) [edit] |
So I went to school today...had to park far..as expected...Ummm....I only had one class..and of course it was human biology...and of course who happens to be in my class...oh yes..the love of my life..Bobby. Normally this would be a good thing but he was acting like such a bitch. I didn't sit next to him..I sat next to CJ. Ugh..whatever.
Now...I'm waiting on Bryan...who I think is going to stand me up. What a downer today is...
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| So Not Ready.. |
| 08.23.04 (1:25 am) [edit] |
Well..that pertains to two things.
The first is school. I'm so not ready to go to school. I totally feel like I had no summer, partially because of summer school, partially because I wasn't here, partially cause of the stress..and of course WORK.
The second of course is Bryan. We're going to build his mom a bear tomorrow. I'm so freaked out, but I think he's seeing someone already. Damn that boy moves fast...anyway...yeah so the reason I think this is because his marital status on his profile is "I think you are my lover" what the fuck is that supposed to mean? I mean I used to call him my lover, but I don't think he's talking about me. So confused, and so now I have to go see him, knowing he likes someone..that is NOT me....and it's going to be weird. Oh well..at least we're friends.
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| TODAY |
| 08.21.04 (7:50 am) [edit] |
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Crap..he comes home today..toFUCKINGday....and I don't feel ready for that. I went to sleep early, woke up in the middle of the night and started freaking out about him. It's just not going to work. I'm freaking out too much. I know he'd be like why are you trippin...but I can't help it. I like him, and I know we're going to hang out and it's going to be friendship, which is fine, but for once this year...someone made me smile..laugh...gave me a reason to wake up...and that was him. Aww..hell...thinking way the fuck too much.
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| 2 More Days |
| 08.19.04 (1:53 am) [edit] |
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My babes comes home in two days..and I'm quite frightened. My schedule for work sucks, so who knows how that's gonna work out. I'm just not expecting anything, but yeah. Oh who knows anymore...I sure don't.
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| ARGH! |
| 08.16.04 (5:01 pm) [edit] |
I tried to post on this thing twice but everytime I'd add a smiley it would wipe my whole entry, so by now I've lost all of my anger and bitterness. I thought the anger and the bitterness was quite interesting...but oh well. :o
So as I was saying..I'm not liking boys...they make me mad, or at least they had been making me mad. Let's recap, shall we?
Thursday night I was having a quite peaceful time and I was on the phone with Tricia. Well all of a sudden that James fucker IMs me and wants me to hang out. I tell him I can't and it turns into this full out fight online. I hate that guy I swear, it's funny that he's the guy that I was talking about when I first started this blog. What a fucking loser. He pissed me off so much, and I even called him a bitch, and I have never called a person I was talking to a bitch. I swear if I see him at the mall or on the street or somewhere I'm going to run over to him take off my shoe and beat him until he cries like the little emo bitch that he is.
Then there's Mandoe, doesn't he get...the two of us will never hook up. That's just the way it is. I'm never gonna have sex with him. I refuse to. We are good friends and to have sex with him would be complicated but I told him never and he like tripped and got mad. OH WELL.
I tried to finally confide all my feelings to John, but he was treating my problems like the little high school bullshit that he thought they were. Little does he know the pain that I really hold in my heart. He has no idea who I am and who I have become. He says he's trying, but I don't think so. The only thing he takes interest in is himself and his girlfriend. Oh well...so much for having a great friendship.
Then there was Bryan. I was being irrational and girly and kinda upset cause he didn't call me when he got off post like he always does. Then when he responded to the text I sent him, he didn't even ask me how I was. It bothered me...but we did have a great convo online yesterday and today he told me that he missed me and he can't wait to get home because we're going to have so much fun. SIGH. Aww..man this guy.
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| I'm So Done... |
| 08.14.04 (11:30 am) [edit] |
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:(
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| I Tried... |
| 08.05.04 (12:35 am) [edit] |
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Well, I went to a family meeting for my brother. It was weird because I didn't want to believe that this could actually be my life. It wasn't a full force meeting, but it still hit home that this was my life and no one even knows who I really am. I don't know if I even know. I cried three times in an expanse of two hours. This is so hard. What seemed so major just a couple weeks ago is so insignificant. One of the program leaders, Theresa knew that I was upset because my family didn't even tell me what was going on while I was gone. I understand their intentions, but it hurt. It felt like they were keeping a secret from me. I had no idea what I was coming home to. I would have liked to know. It's funny because no one really bothered to tell me what happened. I don't even know the full expanse of the story. I have to put the piees together from what I hear and what I see. Even just the family meetings. My family went and they know everyone. I don't know anyone at this thing and they expect me to jump right in like I can just do that. My dad told me that during the first meeting they went to everyone cried. Well I will never know that and I will never fully understand. There is just so much pain in me right now. A pain no one will understand, a pain I will not share.
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