Well, I went to a family meeting for my brother.  It was weird because I didn't want to believe that this could actually be my life.  It wasn't a full force meeting, but it still hit home that this was my life and no one even knows who I really am.  I don't know if I even know.  I cried three times in an expanse of two hours.  This is so hard.  What seemed so major just a couple weeks ago is so insignificant.  One of the program leaders, Theresa knew that I was upset because my family didn't even tell me what was going on while I was gone.  I understand their intentions, but it hurt.  It felt like they were keeping a secret from me.  I had no idea what I was coming home to.  I would have liked to know.  It's funny because no one really bothered to tell me what happened.  I don't even know the full expanse of the story.  I have to put the piees together from what I hear and what I see.  Even just the family meetings.  My family went and they know everyone.  I don't know anyone at this thing and they expect me to jump right in like I can just do that. My dad told me that during the first meeting they went to everyone cried.  Well I will never know that and I will never fully understand.  There is just so much pain in me right now.   A pain no one will understand, a pain I will not share.